There is a toxic poison in America's research universities. Arrogance. The biggest asshats in American medical science and commercialization aren't working for the Venture Capitalists, they are running research at our tax funded laboratories around the country. 

I'm not super wealthy, and I'm certainly not famous. But I do expect respect when I reach out to someone at a center with questions or a collaboration opportunity - if nothing else, my tax dollars fund your work. Today I'm sharing an email which I sent to the head of a center that will remain nameless. Just because I'm going public to shame the research culture as a whole, I'm going to go ahead and name a few others. 

Emory - having wasted over a hundred hours of my life in your tech transfer and research offices, if you ever want to work with me, please feel free to bring your people to my office. I won't darken your door again. Georgia Tech and UGA - same story. Here I am, less than an hour away, do feel free to call.

Now some praise - LSU, I love your people and your facilities, and nothing gives me more pleasure than nudging a client or project in your direction (if there was a way to kiss an organization I would). University of California, thank you for being rational. A few more: Mainz, Johns Hopkins, major props to Moffitt Cancer, Salk Institute, extra love for Berlin's Charité, UMiami, UTenn, special praise to l'Institut Curie in Paris, and a thank you to Cleveland Clinic. All of you have welcomed the people I have sent to you. 

Now here's my letter to an institution that will remain un-named, with a few deletions and edits to shelter the guilty for ONE WEEK. Yeah, this is a test.

UPDATE 2012-05-15: Dear Wake Forest, for a small institution you've got the attitude problems of a large dysfunctional one. Funny how Stanford and MIT can return phone calls and emails. We're not big and famous enough for you? That's your loss. 

As I'm getting busier I'm become less patient with arrogance. This may come off as my arrogance, but as the Brits know: Sometimes you have to take the <expletive> out of cocky <plural expletive>.

Dear Dr. Bossman;

I'm going to apologize in advance if this email seems a bit on the blunt side, but I am contacting you in order to overcome a blind spot that seem to afflict your researchers, which means lost opportunities and a reputation for arrogance. Although I am generally known for my diplomatic skills and quiet voice, this email is a one time test of institutional reason, and it is pass/fail. I hope that you will indulge me by taking a few minutes reading this and clicking on a few links.

Some months ago I read a very interesting article about the progress being made there in <sorta interesting if they can get it to work research>. This is very promising technology in so many ways. And the researchers involved stated that one of their challenges was <yeah yeah nobody else knows how either>, for which they were attempting to use <obvious path fraught with difficulty>. To make that work, they needed to be able to <logical next step> - but of course, once the <thingy> is fabricated, <it doesn't work for reasons that are obvious to anyone who can see beyond the laboraty door, so why am I having to explain it>, <some kind words intended to take some sting out of this email>

They mentioned that they were trying some <duh> to enable this.

The <duh> mentioned won't work because <principles of science>, nor will much else in that space. I know, because I'm not a university researcher, I'm an engineer who has spent a lot of my own money finding ways to effectually enable <yeah, we got this shit working in our lab>. Needless to say, the biopharma companies are quite interested in our <slicker than frog snot on tinfoil>.

This is a long email, isn't it? Please do indulge me. Here are my bonafides, I'll spare you the list of my patents, over half of which have been embodied in working medical products. <linkedin link>

I contacted all of the authors by email, and made a few phone calls. I have received exactly zero responses. I find this comically arrogant. Research centers like Moffitt Cancer and Johns Hopkins reach out to me and my team because we quietly assist them with commercialization, and yet when I contacted your researchers directly I heard only the sound of crickets.

So here's the thing: We have a technology which <elided technical info>. As is usual for my projects, we don't do BS press releases, we do science and we work only with the smartest and best people in industry and academia. I personally have no interest in fame or podium time, I have too much work to do and too many exciting projects - projects that my teams are able to get funded even in this shitty economy.

If I don't hear back from you or anyone else in your center, I take no offence. We have MTA established or being discussed with other centers doing <sexy stuff> and as a small company we don't have unlimited resources.  But perhaps as the annointed point of contact there you have some small ability to explain to research scientists that not everything valuable in medicine happens in a university or is funded by the NIH - sometimes highly motivated and talented scientists grow tired of begging for pennies and decide to work with people like me.

I would be delighted to establish an MTA with your teams, in which they provide whatever <stuff> and <technical criteria> they believe useful, and we would determine if that is possible and do feasibility. To date our method has worked with every <sexy stuff> we have tested. It's a first come, first served opportunity, however, as I have one remaining slot for free work. Personally I would like to put this to use in your space, but the <probably smarter and nicer> people from a different institution are knocking on my door today.

With that, I need to get work done today. Funds to raise, executives to recruit, term sheets to review, and the usual desiderata of my day.

Respectfully,

Scott Hampton